Words We Couldn't Say
by NotGoodWithNames
Summary: Vicious x Gren songfic to Words We Couldn't Say. It's actually fairly in character! Gren clearly loves Vicious, but can Vicious admit to himself his feelings for Gren? Takes place in Jupiter Jazz 1 and 2 episodes and Real Folk Blues 1 and 2, so may contai


A.N.: The song Words We Couldn't Say playing in the background, when Vicious and Gren talk on their cell phones, and the way Vicious says he was looking forward to seeing Gren personally, and such things as this led a friend and me to believe that Vicious and Gren had a thing going on. And we always wondered what Vicious was thinking, when he was sitting up in bed, while Julia slept in the one scene, so this songfic was born.

DISCLAIMER: Cowboy Bebop and all of its characters, settings, and music, including Words We Couldn't Say, don't belong to me!

* * *

_We couldn't say them, so now we just pray them. Words that we couldn't say. Funny ain't it, games people play. Scratch it, paint it, one in the same._

Vicious sat in a trench during the Titan Wars, quietly whispering to the dark haired man next to him. Trying to explain what they had wasn't love and that it would inevitably come to an end.

"This can't continue this way, Gren. The war will end, and we'll go our own ways. We might as well start now. Forget about me."

Gren's eyes became glossed over with tears, as he looked at the cold silver haired man next to him. His soul seemed as icy as his ice blue eyes. "Why can't it continue? After all we've been through? We're comrades! We fought side by side. You've saved my life so many times. I can't imagine life without you, Vicious."

"I don't need any comrades."

_We couldn't find them, so we tried to hide them. Words that we couldn't say. It hurts don't it? Fools on parade. Taint it, own it, chase it away. We couldn't make them, so we had to break them. Words that we couldn't say._

After the war, Vicious had Gren incarcerated. He testified against him, saying Gren was a spy. He had to. He couldn't be with Gren, and Gren wouldn't let him go. Vicious had to get rid of him. Usually he would just kill a person he didn't want to deal with, but whether he wanted to admit it or not, he felt something for Gren, something that prevented him from killing him.

However, he had to get rid of Gren somehow, so he had Gren put in prison. It would keep others from finding out about their affair and it would keep Vicious from caving into Gren's pleas. Maybe in time, Gren would learn to hate him. It would hurt less that way for the both of them.

But it did tear Gren apart, that Vicious, his comrade, his lover, had betrayed him in such a way. Why had he done it? How could he even think of doing it? He had thought that Vicious loved him. That the feelings were mutual. He was open about his feelings. He had told Vicious many times that he loved him, but Vicious had remained silent, dodging the reply and ending the conversation or turning it to other things. Maybe he was nothing to Vicious, if he was Vicious would never have been able to be so cruel to him, to betray him, to rip his heart out.

_Sometimes, baby, we make mistakes. Dark and hazy, prices we pay. I sit here on my shelf talking to myself. Words that we couldn't say._

Gren developed insomnia in prison, staying awake night after night thinking of the nights he had had with Vicious, and then inevitably the thoughts of pleasure and euphoria passed into thoughts of the betrayal. Gren would sit there, talking to himself, trying to keep what little sanity he had left, by running through what few conversations he had had with Vicious, usually one sided. Vicious had been so cold to him. Gren felt foolish for opening up to him. He should have known Vicious was too cold to love. But wasn't that part of what attracted him to Vicious? He was like a moth that is attracted to the beauty of the flame only to burn in pain and die. He couldn't resist Vicious's beauty, despite when his mind told him it could only end in sorrow, his heart wanted to open up to Vicious in hopes he could be changed, that he could melt the ice away that covered Vicious's heart.

To "cure" the insomnia, he was given an experimental hormonal drug. It had an unexpected side effect, though. Gren developed breasts.

Once he finally got out of prison, he found a place where they would happily accept him, the Blue Crow, a town of only men on Calisto. There he played his saxophone. And there he met Julia, a name Vicious had mentioned during the war when he had given Gren a music box. He showed the music box to the woman. When she heard it was from Vicious, she opened it and found a Solar Transmitter and bomb. She told Gren he could keep it but not to play it.

Gren had thought Vicious had given him the music box, because he loved him. Now he had discovered there was a bomb in it. He couldn't understand the man. They had shared nights of passion, when Gren truly felt that Vicious had opened up to him. Now he wasn't sure what to believe. He had to find Vicious, to confront him.

_Someday, maybe, we'll make it right until that day, long endless nights. We couldn't say them, so now we just pray them. Words that we couldn't say. We couldn't say them, so now we just pray them. Words that we couldn't say. _

Vicious slept with his lover, Julia. It was short physical pleasure, but it fell short every time. It lacked something. He sat up in bed as Julia slept on her stomach beside him. He missed Gren. He didn't want to admit it to himself, and he would never admit it out loud, but he missed Gren. There was something more he had with Gren that he would never feel with Julia. Love? No, Vicious didn't believe in love. He would never admit he was in love with another man, no matter how much it gnawed at his thoughts.

_Someday maybe we'll make it right. Until that day long endless nights. We couldn't say them, so now we just pray them. Words that we couldn't say._

Gren had contacted Vicious about a drug deal, Red Eye for Titan Opal, they would meet on Calisto. Vicious decided to go; he wanted to see Gren again. To end it once and for all. He discovered as long as Gren lived he would be haunted about what could be, he would fantasize about searching for him, about continuing their relationship.

Gren was pleased Vicious had agreed to their meeting. He had no concern for the Titan Opal. He just wanted to see Vicious again.

Vicious had a history of betrayal. He was loyal to no one, so the leaders of the Red Dragon Syndicate, the crime organization he was in, sent Lin to keep an eye on him.

"Calisto is a frigid planet, Vicious. You'll need special clothing for the arctic conditions," the Van said.

"Cold climates _do not _concern me," Vicious cut in.

"True, your heart is colder than any planet, colder than the eye of a snake about to strike." There was another moment of silence. Vicious got up without permission or even saying goodbye and turned to leave. "Vicious," the Van warned him, "Remember, a snake cannot eat a dragon." Vicious left.

How true their words were though, about his heart being colder than any planet, colder than the eye of a snake about to strike. Vicious was cold hearted. He didn't have the capacity for love or sympathy. It's what made him such a perfect killer, such a perfect member of the Syndicate, as a leader that is. He had no respect for authority, especially the Van.

As he was walking down the hall Vicious cautioned Lin, "I'll be fine by myself."

"I'm going with you," Lin replied persistently.

"Then be aware, if you want to survive, you'll have to betray me at times," Vicious advised him.

"No, never," Lin replied dismissing what Vicious had just said, "That would go against the will of Van."

"Such old fashioned thinking makes me nauseous," Vicious replied in disgust, "Those damn corpses."

"I will protect you for the honor of the Red Dragon," Lin interrupted with his usual naive attitude.

"Well then, it's up to me to sever them all," Vicious replied as he entered his spacecraft.

"Why are you going to see Vicious? Didn't you say he framed you?" Faye asked Gren. He had a bounty on his head for escaping prison, and she had come looking for him, yet she found he wasn't the average bounty.

"I want to find out if he did."

"He'll murder you."

"Death does not frighten me."

"You're lying."

"Either way, I don't have long to live," Gren said. Life was not worth living without Vicious.

Vicious called Gren on his cell phone, when he went to meet him and said, "I'm standing above you, under the roof of the building that's closest to the sky."

"I'll send a woman over," Gren replied.

"Up to you, although I was looking forward to seeing you…personally," Vicious replied.

Gren wore a long tight dress, that showed off his womanly curves, with a hood covering his face and went up to meet Vicious. He dropped the bag full of Red Eye on the ground in front of him. Lin walked over to check that it was the real thing. He confirmed that it was and told Vicious. "Give it to her," Vicious said.

"This is the Titan Opal you requested," Lin said as he dropped a brief case in front of Gren.

"Tell Gren that I send my regards," Vicious said as he turned and walked away.

"You saved me from that scorpion and yet you lied and sold me down the river," Gren said.

Vicious turned as Gren kicked the brief case towards him. Vicious gasped as the brief case opened revealing the bomb he had planted inside to kill Gren. He ran for cover and ducked behind a pole as the bomb went off. A breeze blew Gren's hood off. "It's you," Vicious said.

"It's been a long time," Gren replied.

"What do you want?" Vicious asked as he walked towards him.

"When you gave me that music box you didn't think I'd ever break it open and look inside. Why would I?"

"So you found the Solar Transmitter."

"Julia found it. The moment she heard it was a gift from you, she told me to open it up and look."

"And? What about it?" Vicious asked dispassionately.

"Are you trying to kill me again? Is that it? We fought that bloody war together. We were comrades," Gren said as he thought back to the war, when they had fought together and faced the horrors of it, "We risked everything, shoulder to shoulder, on that battle ground of death. I looked up to you. I believed in you," Gren said as he relived in his mind when Vicious had given him the music box. He also thought about the nights he had spent with Vicious.

Vicious narrowed his eyes coldly. "There was nothing to believe in. There is no need to believe," Vicious said as he recalled the skeletons of the men he had fought with, left to be buried by nothing but the desert sand that the wind blew, with no time to weep over them and no one to weep for them even if there was the time. He also thought of his nights with Gren. He was dismissing them at the same time.

Gren couldn't take anymore of Vicious's coldness. He fired his pistol at him, but Vicious dodged expertly, narrowly missing being shot in his head and foot. The last shot may have even hit him if Lin didn't dive in front of him as he yelled, "Vicious! Look out!"

Spike, who had also been attracted to the bounty and had a history with the Syndicate, was shocked and angry that Lin had sacrificed his life for Vicious. Gren decided to get into his spacecraft, not knowing if Spike was on Vicious's side. Vicious picked up the bag of Red Eye and looked down at Lin's corpse and said, "There is nothing in this world to believe in." He then attempted to escape in his spacecraft.

Spike followed him and shot at him as he yelled, "Vicious! Lin died protecting you!" They flew in figure eights as Vicious attempted to get in a position where he could shoot his missiles at Spike, and Spike followed him. "His soul is lost!" Spike continued.

"He wasn't protecting me. Don't you get it? He was protecting the Order," Vicious said in disgust as he maneuvered his ship behind Spike's and opened fire. Spike dodged, and Vicious smiled, enjoying the challenge, but then Gren flew behind him in his spacecraft and fired a few of his own rounds at Vicious. Angered by the interruption, Vicious aimed his missiles at Gren and said, "You're in the way," as he fired.

The missiles hit Gren's spacecraft, and it went down slowly. Gren suffered an internal injury and began to cough.

Suddenly a lilting tune began to play. Vicious's eyes went wide with recognition and dread. Gren had planted the music box with the Solar Transmitter in it with the Red Eye! The music box clicked to a stop and exploded. Vicious's wing was destroyed and he spun out of control. However, he was an expert pilot, so he quickly regained it with some skilled maneuvers and flew off to safety.

Spike landed his spacecraft near where he saw Gren go down and quickly hopped out and ran haphazardly to him lying on the ground. He began to shake him. "Hey come on! Hey! Gren! Tell me where Julia is! I've gotta find her!" Gren wearily opened his eyes and turned his head slightly toward Spike.

"Julia's gone," he said hoarsely, "How did you know her?"

"What happened? I need to know," was Spike's only reply.

Gren sighed and suddenly doubled over coughing, with his hand over his mouth. He looked at his hand to find it covered with blood.

"You've got an internal injury," Spike said as he began to dial his phone, "I don't even know if an ambulance will come out to this place."

Gren tiredly lowered Spike's hand holding the phone. "Put it away. Can you lift me up there onto the ship again? I want to go to Titan," Gren said croakily as blood trickled down his lips.

"You can't make it there in time. It would take too long."

Spike lifted him into the craft anyway, and towed it behind the Swordfish into outer space in the direction of Titan. Then he let it go, and Gren floated through space. He died as he wished, on his way to Titan, where he had met and fell in love with Vicious.

Later, Vicious had killed the Van and became the new leader of the Red Dragon Syndicate. He also had the hated woman from his past, Julia, killed. Unfortunately, this brought with it the wrath of his former Syndicate partner, Spike.

The last thoughts that Vicious had before he died, after Spike had shot him, were of Gren. They could be together now. He didn't have to hide anything in death. He could finally admit to Gren and more importantly to himself, "I love him," he thought. And then there were no more thoughts. He was dead.

"Vicious!"

Vicious opened his eyes, but all he could see was blue sky. And then his eyes focused on Gren.

"Gren? Aren't you--?"

"Dead? Yes, so are you. I never did properly confront you. Why did you betray me?"

"I betrayed myself as much as I betrayed you. I lied to myself. I….loved…you, Gren."

Gren's eyes once again became glossy with tears, but this time they were tears of joy. "I love you too, Vicious."

* * *

A.N.: Well, hope you liked it. Please comment. Sorry if the ending was too sappy, but my friend and I also thought of the song Blue, when Vicious dies. In the English version of Jupiter Jazz, after Faye meets Gren, Ed tries to paint her nails blue and she says, "Anything but blue" I think referring to Gren and the Blue Crow. So of course, even though the song Blue is likely about Spike since it talks about dreaming and all, it's nice to think of Vicous and Gren, since Vicious just died and Gren has that association with the color blue. I thought Vicious should finally be free to admit his true feelings for Gren, since he's dead and no longer has to protect his reputation and be so coldhearted. 


End file.
